The dog is not allowed in the house.
|Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.|
|The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.|
|The dog can get on the old furniture only.|
|Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.|
|Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.|
|The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.|
|The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.|
|The dog can sleep under the covers every night.|
|Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.|
On the first
day, God created the Dog.
If only my dog
had stood on his stand,
If only he'd
stayed on the one minute sit.
A figure 8 perfect,
I could almost boast;
If only he'd
dropped on the signal I gave,
on the flat - he knew what to do;
The high jump
retrieve - the only thing he lacked,
On the broad
jump, if only he'd jumped all the way,
When I signaled
the glove it was there in plain sight;
His go-out was
perfect - he just went so far;
We'd have had
a 200 - he could do everything,
do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you--except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK, the really worse disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you).
Dogs understand what no means.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs are color blind.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Where Men are Better Than Dogs
only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Men are a little bit more subtle.
Men don't eat turds on the sly.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men don't molt as much, and if they do, they hide it.
It's fun to dry off a wet man.
How Dogs and Men are The Same
Both take up
too much space on the bed.
A man wrote a letter to a small
hotel in a midwest town he
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner who said :
"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bed clothes or silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
Yes indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
old lady and her dog, Duke, are sitting in the garden,
when all at once a genie appears.
"You may have three wishes" he says.
"Well, I'd love to be young and beautiful" --'poof!' (young and beautiful)
"I'd like to be rich and live in a great house" -- 'poof' (rich)
"I'd like Duke here to turn into a man and live with me always
-- 'poof!' (Duke is a handsome man)
The genie disappears --- Duke turns to the lady and says,
"Bet you wish you hadn't neutered me"